The Lord Never Procrastinates

It was the first day back to work after the Christmas and New Year’s holiday. Eldon hurriedly sipped a cup of coffee and placed it in the sink. He checked his pockets for the car keys.

“Martha!” he called out. “Have you seen my keys?”

Martha was busily in front of the mirror in the bathroom applying eyeliner. “My lord, Eldon!” she said. “You left them in the car!”

“You drove my car last,” Eldon said. “Remember, you had to go the store for lip gloss and I never get the right kind so you went yourself.”

“Oh,” Martha said, “but you are forgetful and unorganized.”

“Come here for a moment, Dear,” Eldon said.

Exasperated Martha walked out of the bathroom with her eyeliner in hand. “My lord, what do you want now?”

“Just one thing, Dear,” Eldon said. “Please, I’m not your lord, owner and master, yes, but not your lord.”

Martha thrust her fists into her hips and pursed her lips tightly. “You are unorganized and have a stupid sense of humor. That’s something you have got to work on.”

“Being lord, I don’t see the point,” Eldon smiled.

“I want you to work on something for the next year; getting yourself organized and not making a joke out of everything. Have you ever made a New Year’s resolution that you kept?” Martha said.

“No,” Eldon said.

“Why not?” Martha asked.

“It depends on the cooperation of others,” Eldon said.

“Like who?” Martha said.

“You,” Eldon said.

“What can I do to help you keep your resolution?” Martha said.

“Instead of coming home at the end of the day,” Eldon said. “Just take a plane someplace and disappear.”

“There you go with the jokes again,” Martha said.

“The lord doesn’t joke,” Eldon said.

“You should have said something long ago,” Martha said. “You are such a procrastinator. That’s something else you should work on.”

“The lord does not procrastinate,” Eldon said. “He just has perfect timing.”

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